Monday, August 24, 2009


If Axe Body Spray had existed 5,000 years ago, the world would have ended 5,000 years ago.

Because not even a cave-woman would mate with something that smells like that shit*.

*Sorry teenage boys and adult men who are too lazy to shower and/or lacking looks or personality to such a degree that scent is your last chance of procreating. But reeeallllllyyyyy.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hope for the Future.

I'm often afraid that today's rap artists over exert themselves. With all the endless bottles of Hypnotiq, Finger Snappin', Collah Poppin' and Roof Rasin' they've got to be physically and emotionally exhausted. So I have begun my pilgrimage to pacify the world of rap one artist at a time. It's simply a process of slowing them down and providing them with a new career in which they can be happy and at ease. Here is my first proposition:

If these disappointed soul-portals don't just jab you in the heart, you might want to check your pulse.
Chamillionaire's songs are a blatant cry for escape. He has been ridin' dirty for so long that he has apparently written a song called "Front to Back", which I can only assume preaches about proper wiping technique for hygienically-challenged female rappers & video girls out there. Where has his dignity gone?! A UTI is not a chain gang from Compton! This man needs a break!

SO Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present to you my pride and joy, the President Pro-Tempore of all things smooth jams:

ChamomillienaireSoothing and Comforting, he's everybody's cup of tea.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Purple & Blue Plaid

Man! Polaroids are so damn Indie-chic.
Every time I see a Polaroid, I just think "I will never be as cool as that."
I know I may sound like"the Leggings calling the Asymmetric Haircut Spoon", it's simply our love-hate relationship.
I needed to find where all this coolness came from, and, I am proud to announce that I believe I've discovered the basic facets of Indie-Chic Nirvana.
I have illustrated my beliefs in the chart below: