Friday, February 19, 2010


As Spring Break slowly approaches (I think. Since I left school I have no sense of time), the amusement parks around San Antonio are pushing their season passes like crazy.
I can't blame them. If the rest of the area is like my family was when we first moved here, thousands of people will pay over $100 to buy a pass and use it maybe once or twice before you realize that long lines & wave pools waiting to be pooped in & infect you with ecoli in 100+degree weather, just ain't worth it. So it's a great money maker...
I have no qualms with their will to profit, HOWEVER I refuse to stand for false advertising.
The most recent Sea World ad is narrated by a young lad of 8 or 9 yrs. summarizing his magical day at the park, starting at & returning to sitting in the splash zone at the Shamu show. He ends the spiel telling you how much fun you'll have etc. etc.

THE TRUTH?: Do NOT sit in the splash zone unless you want to get soaked & spend the rest of your day chafing and smelling like you bathed in a giant tub of vaginas and whale pee.

Unfortunately I speak from experience. After I graduated from high school, we took some out of town guests there & started our day with the show, in the splash zone. While the show was great (those animals, while possibly tortured, are excellent performers), we forgot that the water we were about to get splash with it fuh-ooooolll of whale pee, poo, and meal leftovers. Well long story short, in the 100 degree weather we spent the rest of the day squishing around the park, damp & reeking.

So unless you have set time aside for at least 3 showers per splash zone-e to remove the algee and shame, I highly suggest you sit way up top. You won't miss a thing.

I also suggest you see the sea-lion show. A HUGE fat walrus comes out during it and does sit ups. For . REAL.